Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
