I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
