Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
try to milk me bitch
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