CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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