cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
