he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
