M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
