i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
