Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
