Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize