Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
