Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
