This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
