Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
