he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
