I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
