i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
