i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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