The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
