I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
