There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
