Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
