Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sober January is a disaster.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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