walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
