This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
