Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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