You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
