I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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