All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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