How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
