I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
