if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
