every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I love you. Go after that dick
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
