Got a toothbrush?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
