Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
