Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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