Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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