It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
ttyl tear gas
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
