my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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