we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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