She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
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Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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