all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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