I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We're too hungover to prance.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
