Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
did you just send me my own nude
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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