You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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