according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
this will be a night to untag.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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