his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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