u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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