Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
