Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
