i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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