Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize