Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
