We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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