you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
