My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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