i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
