I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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