We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
