he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
either way he was missing a nipple.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize